Masochist Meaning: Definition, Examples & vs Sadist

A masochist is a person who derives pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from their own pain or humiliation.

That is the dictionary definition, and it is only half the story. Most of us meet the casual version of this word years before we meet the clinical one. A friend signs up for a punishing workout plan and mutters, “I must be a masochist.” A psychology textbook, meanwhile, traces the word back to 19th-century Vienna. Both uses are legitimate in context, and mixing them up is where nearly every misunderstanding of this word begins. This guide untangles all of it: the real definition, the surprising literary origin, how people actually use “masochist” in texts and conversation, what an “emotional masochist” is, and how the word differs from its famous opposite, the sadist. It is pronounced MASS-uh-kist, by the way, in case you have only ever read it.

Table of Contents

What Does “Masochist” Mean?

A masochist is someone who obtains pleasure from receiving pain, punishment, or humiliation. In everyday speech, the word usually describes a person who seems to seek out difficult or unpleasant experiences on purpose. In psychology, it names a specific pattern of deriving gratification, often sexual, from one’s own suffering.

The split between those two senses is the single most important thing to grasp. Vocabulary.com puts it memorably: if you call someone a masochist, you either mean that they take pleasure in pain, or, perhaps more commonly, that they just seem to. That “just seem to” covers most real-world usage. Nobody watching a friend train for a marathon in brutal heat thinks the friend literally enjoys heatstroke. The word is doing humorous work there, flagging that the behavior looks irrational from the outside.

Cambridge Dictionary reflects the same split. It marks “masochist” as a specialized psychology term, and separately lists the informal sense with an example that will sound familiar: “I may be a masochist, taking on all this work, but I like the challenge.” The related forms follow naturally. Masochism is the noun for the pattern or practice, and masochistic is the adjective, as in “a masochistic streak.”

Where Did “Masochist” Come From?

“Masochist” is an eponym, a word named after a real person. It comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, a 19th-century Austrian writer whose novels described characters who found gratification in their own pain and humiliation. A psychiatrist later borrowed his name to label the pattern as a clinical term.

The details are worth knowing because they explain the word’s slightly awkward history. Etymonline traces “masochism” to the German Masochismus, coined in 1883 by the German neurologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing, from the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895). Sacher-Masoch was an Austrian novelist who, in Etymonline’s phrasing, enshrined his submissive sexuality in his 1869 novel Venus in Furs. The English form “masochism” is attested from 1892.

Vocabulary.com adds the human color: Sacher-Masoch wrote openly about the gratification he got from his own pain and humiliation, which made his surname irresistible to a psychiatrist hunting for a label. His counterpart on the other side of the coin got its name the same way. The sadist comes from the Marquis de Sade, another writer whose name became a diagnosis. Etymonline also records the combined form “sadomasochism,” the coexistence of both tendencies in the same person, from 1916, with the abbreviation “S and M” showing up by 1965.

Casual vs Clinical: The Two Lives of the Word

Context decides which “masochist” you are hearing. Said with a laugh about a marathon or an impossible deadline, it is casual self-deprecation. Said in a psychology article or a therapy room, it points to a real pattern of deriving satisfaction from suffering. The table below shows how to tell the two apart before you react.

Clue	Which meaning you are hearing	Example
Said with a laugh about a hard task	Casual, joking	“I am doing a PhD and working nights. I must be a masochist.”
Said about relationships that keep hurting	Psychological	“She keeps choosing partners who belittle her, and friends worry it has become a pattern.”
Said in a medical or academic text	Clinical	“The DSM-5 lists sexual masochism disorder among the paraphilic disorders.”
Said as a sneer at someone who tolerates mistreatment	Careless, best avoided	Using it to mock someone who will not stand up for themselves

A note I feel strongly about: the casual version is fine among friends, but the word hits hard when aimed at a real person. It carries a clinical echo even inside jokes, so I would not use it to label someone who is genuinely struggling. Describe the behavior, like “she keeps taking on too much,” instead of diagnosing the person.

What Is an Emotional Masochist?

An emotional masochist is someone who repeatedly ends up in situations that cause emotional pain, not because they enjoy it, but because suffering feels familiar, or feels like the price of being loved. Psychologists describe it as a self-defeating pattern, often rooted in early life, in which a person sidesteps pleasure and gravitates toward dynamics that hurt.

This is where the word gets genuinely interesting, and where a therapy-based guide from the Bay Area CBT Center is especially clear. In their framing, a masochist is not “someone who enjoys pain.” It is someone whose history has taught them that love is earned through endurance, that their needs come second, and that being chosen depends on being useful. The pattern shows up as staying in draining relationships, replaying old humiliations on a mental loop, or quietly sabotaging good things the moment they arrive.

Two clarifications matter. First, “masochistic personality” is not a formal diagnosis in the DSM-5. A proposed self-defeating personality disorder was dropped from an earlier edition of the manual, partly because it risked blaming people, particularly women, for staying in abusive relationships. Second, this is different from sexual masochism. Psych Central defines sexual masochism as taking erotic pleasure in receiving pain, and stresses that consensual kink between adults, with boundaries and safe words respected, is not the same thing as a disorder. A diagnosis only enters the picture when the urges cause significant distress or impair daily life over a sustained period.

Freud gave this territory one of its oldest names. As early as 1924 he described “moral masochism,” an unconscious pull toward punishment and suffering with no erotic content at all, driven by guilt. Modern therapists have moved well past Freud’s framework, but the core observation, that some people are steered toward what hurts them without quite choosing it, still shapes the conversation.

Diagram of the emotional masochism cycle, from familiar pain back to repeated self-defeating patterns — Illustration: meaning, slangs

Masochist vs Sadist: What’s the Difference?

The difference is the direction of the pain. A masochist derives pleasure from receiving pain or humiliation, while a sadist derives pleasure from inflicting it on others. They are opposites, which is why the two words so often appear as a pair, and why swapping them changes a sentence’s meaning completely.

Attribute	Masochist	Sadist
Direction of pain	Toward themselves; they receive it	Toward others; they inflict it
Core pattern	Gratification from their own suffering or humiliation	Gratification from someone else’s suffering or humiliation
Named after	Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Austrian novelist	The Marquis de Sade, French writer
Everyday joke version	“This workout is brutal and I love it; I must be a masochist.”	Rarely joked about; “sadist” almost always lands as an insult
Clinical note	DSM-5 recognizes sexual masochism disorder only when it causes real distress or impairment	DSM-5 recognizes sexual sadism disorder, with the added line of non-consensual harm

Diagram comparing a masochist and a sadist, showing pain directed inward versus outward — Illustration: meaning, slangs

Yes, one person can show both tendencies. Etymonline dates “sadomasochism,” the coexistence of both tendencies in the same person, to 1916. Some people alternate between giving and receiving, and in the broader psychological sense the two roles often appear as complementary positions inside the same relationship dynamic.

The memory trick I give friends: masochist starts with M, like “me,” so the pain comes to me. Sadist points outward, so the pain goes to someone else. Simple, and it has never failed me.

How People Actually Use “Masochist” in Conversation

Most of the time you hear this word, it is doing one of a handful of jobs. Here is how each one sounds in the wild:

Self-deprecating joke: “I signed up for the 6 a.m. boot camp again. I am clearly a masochist.” You are saying the workout is punishing and you chose it anyway.
Teasing a friend: “You are rewatching that ten-season drama just to cry at the finale? Total masochist behavior.” Affectionate, not literal.
About work: “He volunteered to handle customer complaints over the holidays. Either he is a saint or a masochist.” This is Cambridge’s informal sense, almost word for word.
Serious and psychological: “After the breakup, she kept rereading his old messages for weeks. Her therapist called it a masochistic loop.” No joke intended here; this is emotional masochism.
A misuse to avoid: “He lets his boss walk all over him; what a masochist.” This punches down. “He has trouble setting boundaries” says what you mean without the clinical sting.

Words People Mix Up With “Masochist”

A few neighboring words get tangled up with “masochist” regularly. Sorting them out will also sharpen your own usage:

Word	What it actually means	How it differs from “masochist”
Martyr	Someone who suffers to prove a point or win sympathy	A martyr wants an audience for the suffering; a masochist gets something from the suffering itself
Submissive	Someone who enjoys yielding control to another person	Submission is about control, not pain; many submissives are not masochists at all
Pessimist	Someone who expects the worst outcome	A pessimist predicts pain; a masochist, in the casual sense, volunteers for it
Self-harm	A mental-health concern involving deliberate injury	Not a synonym and not a joke; never use “masochist” to describe it

The martyr comparison is the one I see confused most often, and it has its own full explainer linked below.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to call someone a masochist?

Short answer: It usually means they seem to enjoy or seek out pain, difficulty, or humiliation, though most of the time it is said jokingly.

In casual speech, calling someone a masochist is shorthand for “you keep choosing the hard path and I do not understand why.” Taken literally, the word points to the clinical pattern of deriving gratification from one’s own suffering, so check the tone before you assume which one is meant.

Is a masochist the same as a sadist?

Short answer: No, they are opposites. A masochist receives; a sadist inflicts.

A masochist derives pleasure from their own pain or humiliation, while a sadist derives pleasure from causing pain or humiliation to others. Vocabulary.com lists “sadist” as the direct antonym of “masochist.” The confusion is understandable since the words travel together, but swapping them reverses the meaning.

What is an emotional masochist?

Short answer: Someone who unconsciously repeats patterns that cause emotional pain, because suffering feels familiar or tied to love.

Unlike the joke version, emotional masochism is not about enjoying pain. Therapists describe it as a self-defeating pattern, staying in hurtful relationships, sabotaging good moments, replaying old wounds, rooted in the learned belief that endurance earns love. It is a pattern, not a formal diagnosis.

Is masochism a mental disorder?

Short answer: Not by itself. It becomes a clinical concern only when it causes significant distress or impairs daily life.

Psych Central explains that the DSM-5 includes “sexual masochism disorder,” but the diagnosis requires intense urges involving receiving pain or humiliation for erotic purposes, real negative impact on daily life, and symptoms lasting at least six months. Consensual kink between adults, with consent and boundaries respected, is not classified as a disorder.

Can someone be both a masochist and a sadist?

Short answer: Yes. The combined term is sadomasochism.

Etymonline dates “sadomasochism,” the coexistence of both tendencies in one person, to 1916. Some people alternate between giving and receiving, and in the broader psychological sense the two roles often appear as complementary positions inside the same relationship dynamic.

What is the opposite of a masochist?

Short answer: A sadist.

Where a masochist seeks gratification in receiving pain, a sadist seeks it in inflicting pain on others. The pairing is so standard that dictionaries list them as antonyms, and the combined word “sadomasochism” covers both at once.

Why do people jokingly call themselves masochists?

Short answer: It is self-deprecating humor for voluntarily doing something difficult or unpleasant.

Training for a marathon, pulling an all-nighter, rewatching a show guaranteed to make you cry, the joke says “I know this will hurt and I am doing it anyway.” Vocabulary.com notes this is now the word’s most common habitat: used jokingly by someone who does not understand another person’s motivation for doing something painful or difficult.

Where This Came From

Every definition and historical claim above was checked against sources opened during research:

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